What I did today instead of buying pants

17 Sep

We have a new dress code that is being enforced at work soon.  As of October 1st, we will no longer be allowed to wear denim.  Correction – we will no longer be allowed to wear BLUE denim, but colored denim is fine.  So, these are not acceptable:

But these apparently are acceptable dress code options:

And I’m all:

I hate shopping for pants.  Loathe.  Despise.  HATE.  I have had the same black dress pants that I bought back in 1999.  (Back off, I wear them once every 2 years.)  I have purchased jeans from the same store in the same style for the last 8 years, and I swear if said store ever discontinues that style, I will cry tears of fiery rage.  Buying pants of any kind is a pretty difficult feat due to my shape and short, stubby legs.  Bottom line – if I don’t have to shop for pants, I don’t.  And I haven’t for many, many years.  Until this dress code thing came into play.

We’re quickly approaching Judgement Day, and I’ve yet to go shopping for appropriate work pants.  I knew I had to go today and at least check out my options.  But I didn’t want to.  Oh, how I didn’t want to.  There is one thing you should know about me – I am the queen of avoidance.  If I don’t want to do something, I will find literally ANY excuse to avoid doing said chore.  That’s exactly what happened this morning.  So, in no particular order, here are some things that I did this morning in order to avoid going on a quest for pants.  Stupid, stupid pants.

-Paced back and forth from the kitchen to the living room no less than 20 times

-Made 3 cups of coffee

-Caught up on episodes of My Drunk Kitchen and Jenna Marbles on youtube

-Puppy snuggles!

-Stared at my eyebrows in the bathroom mirror; proceeded to make funny faces at myself

-Rearranged the dishes in the kitchen sink

-Thought about emptying the dishwasher in order to put said dishes in rather than simply rearranging them

-More puppy snuggles!!!

-Googled “biggest movie mistakes of all time,” “benefits of the Paleo diet,” “Why do Taylor Swift’s teeth look so weird?,” and “Back to the Future inventions that actually came true”

-Attempted to french braid my hair

-E-mailed a question to a psychic

-Attempted to weenie-wrap our dog Newman in a blanket like a baby

Ultimately, I ran out of pointless things to do and begrudgingly got dressed and went shopping in preparation for Pantsapalooza 2012.  After hitting 3 stores with no success, I began to feel myself get emotional.

I went from this:

to this:

to this:

and finally this:

I eventually found a pair of brown pants at Wal-Mart of all places that are certainly not going to win me any fashion awards but at least don’t 1.) make me look like a Target employee, 2.) give me camel toe, or 3.) make me look elderly, so I will consider it a small success.  I have decided, though, that I am going to stop stressing over something as silly as pants and take this attitude instead:

Happy Sunday, ya’ll.

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One Response to “What I did today instead of buying pants”

  1. Mr WordPress September 17, 2012 at 12:23 am #

    Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.

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